March 31, 2006
The 44-year-old woman, from Aachen, dialled the emergency police number and told the dispatcher in a weepy voice there was an emergency.Has it not occured to this woman that her poor husband is merely trying "aversion therapy" to break himself of his addiction, a la "A Clockwork Orange"?
But when officers arrived at the scene they found her pacing the apartment while her husband, 46, sat in front of the TV watching a blue movie.
She told the police: "Nothing will move him, not even if I offer him the real thing, and he has the TV on so loud I'm sure the neighbours can hear it."
Hey, it could happen.
March 30, 2006
"Mr West was found dead in an armchair by police after his wife made a hysterical 999 call. He had a single shotgun wound to his chest.Okay, so you're a marine engineer. BAM! That don't impress me much.
Giving evidence in her defence at Winchester Crown Court, Hants, West said they had shared a "lovely evening" at their Southampton home. They had drunk wine and she had run a bath for her husband.
When he came out of the bathroom she decided to put on a show and began dancing to the music of the country singer, which was playing on a stereo. The song contains erotically-charged lyrics.
She said Mr West then disappeared into the bedroom of their flat and reappeared with his BSA500 shotgun and asked her to dance with it.
West re-enacted her moves using the broom handle, telling the jury: "I'm holding the barrels of the gun and I'm dancing holding the gun. I was entertaining my husband."
She said that at the end of the song she put the shotgun on to the floor beside her. With tears streaming down her face she said: "It just went offÂ…it just went bang."
A weapons expert told the court that the safety catch, used to prevent the accidental firing of the gun, was faulty and it could have gone off without anyone touching the trigger. West told the court that she was unaware of the fault.
The prosecution claims the couple had argued after drinking and West had deliberately shot her husband, a marine engineer, in anger. Neighbours had reported hearing shouting coming from their flat."
Or maybe those shouts were actually more along the lines of "Yee-ha, woman! Dance for me!" Plus Mrs. West tested twice the legal drunk-driving limit. Who knows? Would I love to be on that jury. But, there's a lesson to be learned here gentlemen: no matter how horny you are, never give your drunk wife a loaded shotgun. Er...or something like that.
March 28, 2006
Dude, you are one sick little monkey!!!!!
March 24, 2006
"Men are less reserved with over 40% admitting to making naked calls compared with 27% of women.Let's see, their naked and not paying attention to the person on the other end of the line. Hmmmm. Talk about self-absorbed.
The study for Post Office HomePhone also revealed that many of us don't pay full attention to callers."
March 17, 2006
1) That's Amore!: An elderly Italian couple was pulled over in Rome because the female passenger had a different kind of ride in mind.
The zig-zagging car gave them away. When Italian police pulled over the vehicle, they found a completely naked 70-year-old woman who had been trying to have sex with the driver -- 11 years her junior.If you've got a completely naked 70-woman in your passenger seat, I'd say things got out of control before you even started the car.
After demanding the joy-riding couple get dressed, the police tested the semi-nude male motorist for drunk driving.
"He was three times over the legal (blood-alcohol) limit," said police commander Angelo D'Anardo in the city of Cologno al Serio, northeast of Milan.
"We assume they must have been drinking at lunch and then things got out of control."
2) Assault With A Not-So-Deadly Weapon: A man hacks off his own penis and throws it at the police?
Before cops threw the book at him, Jakub Fik threw something unusual at them -- his penis.I don't know what amazes me more - the fact that some guy would be crazy enough to do this to himself or that every time we hear about a "dis-member-ment" in the news it seems like they always manage to reattach it.
Fik, 33, cut off his own penis during a Northwest Side rampage Wednesday morning. When confronted by police, Fik hurled several knives and his severed organ at the officers, police said. Officers stunned him with a Taser and took him into custody.
"We took him out without any serious injury, with the exception of his own," said Chicago Police Sgt. Edward Dolan of the 16th District.
Doctors at Northwestern Memorial Hospital reattached Fik's penis Wednesday, sources said. He was listed in good condition Thursday, according to hospital spokesman Andrew Buchanan, who declined to comment further.
March 10, 2006
A German man playing with his brother's Jack Russell was hospitalised after the dog sunk its teeth into his penis.OK, I'd like to know:
Daniel Dietmaier, from Dueren, said the dog nearly bit it off and after his brother's girlfriend told it to "attack" as a joke.
He is demanding substantial damages, saying the woman did not even helped him as he lay on the floor in agony after beating off the dog - because she had collapsed on the floor laughing.
1) exactly what was the nature of the "playing" going on with the dog at the time?,
2) why the guy's dork was available to be bitten? and
3) what was his girlfriend doing prior to her little "joke"?
On second thought, nah. I don't want to know.
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