The month that I formally decide to retire this blog...

...it gets the most hits/page views in its history.

Posted by: Gary at 09:01 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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If you've ever spent more than an hour in a meeting, you know they're not fun. But after experiencing a particular painful one today, I decided to put my theory as to why they're so painful into graphic form.

Lower down in the post is what I call "Gary's Hierarchy of Meeting Participants". As you can see in "Figure A" below there are three basic types of meeting participants.

The first is the "Chief Stakeholder". This is the person responsible for the meeting in the first place. He or she called the meeting, assembled the contributors, booked the conference room, made copies of handouts, created a Powerpoint presentation and basically has no other responsibility than to make your life miserable. They have a specific motivation for setting the meeting. This is called an "Agenda". And it has very little to do with the primary reason that most everyone else is in attendance, which is that they have to be. The Chief Stakeholder is easily identifiable as the one with the laptop.

The second level of participants contains the "Contributors". These are the individuals called by the Chief Stakeholder to talk about a particular topic that is on the Agenda. They generally only speak to their topic and rarely participate in any other part of the meeting. The Contributors are also fairly easily indentifiable as the ones with folders or stacks of paper containing their material.

The third level is comprised of "Attendees". These are the folks who for one reason or another are determined by the Chief Stakeholder as individuals being affected by the Agenda who need to be made familiar with all of said subject matter. In reality, most of the Attendees have only a marginal interest in the Agenda and will quickly forget everything with which they have been made familiar at the meeting. Attendees can be identified as the ones who have bewildered looks on their faces and are usually holding pens and writing pads of various sizes. These pads are intended to convey a level of interest in the Agenda that does not really exist. The Chief Stakeholder usually understands this.

Now, as to why meetings suck.

While all meetings suck at some level for all of the participants, there is a certain phenomena that happens during meetings in which the total amount of suckitude has an inverse relationship to the level of total interest each category of participant has in the meeting itself as you go down the hierarchy.

Let me explain.

The Chief Stakeholder has an extemely high level of interest in the meeting. As a result, time passes at a faster rate than normal for him or her as they try to cram in too much of the Agenda into the meeting before the allotted time expires. They also have the most to gain from the meeting because it will - at best - result as a line item to hightlight on their internal resume or - at worst - will serve as a CYA exercise in which they can transfer the responsibility for the overall familiarity of the Agenda items to the Attendees (e.g. "I already went through all of that at the meeting").

The Contributors have a high level of interest but only for their own particular item on the Agenda. Very often each of these individuals can excuse themselves from the rest of the meeting however many will stay and completely tune out the rest of the Agenda, confident that once they are done with their portion they can recede into the background. For the amount of time that these individuals "contribute" time will pass rather quickly. The rest of the meeting will drag, however they know that if they have to they can escape the situation with a bathroom break from which they will never return. Contributers stand to gain some rise in esteem among their peers as going forward they may be seen as somewhat of an "expert" regarding the subject matter on which they spoke.

Figure "A"

Which brings us to the Attendees. For these people, the laws of time and space will alter in a way that seems to defy the minute hands on their watches. They can often be noticed struggling to keep their eyes open, constantly shifting in their seats and getting up to help themselves to water, coffee or other refreshments in a vain attempt to keep their legs from falling asleep. The less interest the individual Attendee has in the Agenda, the slower that time will pass. Attendees stand to gain very little from the meeting other than having their mornings, afternoons or even an entire day shot all to hell. They have the additional disadvantage of looking stupid later on when some item from the Agenda is brought up and they have no memory of that information because they weren't able to focus their attention during the meeting.

So there you have it. Now you know why being invited as an Attendee to a meeting means nothing short of the fact that you're screwed.

Posted by: Gary at 02:45 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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...they pull me back in.

Last week, I announced the impending conclusion to the Ex-Donkey Blog. That hasn't changed, but at that time my future in the blogosphere was in limbo.

However, I'm pleased to announce that after intense negotiations (they generously asked, I gratefully accepted) that future is now clearer. Upon the formal moth-balling of this site in two weeks time, I will be signing on as an associate (if erratic) contributor to The Llama Butchers.

Steve and Robert have cleaned out one of the guest rooms at Orgle Manor for me with the only stipulation being that I have to clean my own bathroom. Actually, it's similar to an arrangement I made with my parents right after I graduated from college. I hope I'll be better about the bathroom thing this time around.

This is a welcome opportunity for me to continue to post when the urge strikes me without having the duties of maintaining my own site. It should be a blast. If you haven't already, update those bookmarks and links today.

Posted by: Gary at 12:00 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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1 Now that you mention it, (ex-)donkeys do kinda resemble llamas... Glad to see you'll still be out there.

Posted by: Georgia Girl at January 17, 2007 02:30 PM (ZMwFa)

2 Very good to hear that you will still be posting, regardless of where or when it might be. Something told me my offer of my blog would be one-upped somehow...

Posted by: Linoge at January 18, 2007 05:47 PM (oOpAy)

3 The Llamas and I go back quite a ways, but to you and other handful of bloggers who made similar offers I want to express my gratitude. I hadn't really expected that. :-)

Posted by: Gary at January 19, 2007 08:55 AM (QoxB+)

4 Why do I get the feeling that the LLamas are slowly assimilating the entire blogosphere?

Posted by: agent bedhead at January 19, 2007 08:27 PM (xV63t)

5 True. You can only grow so fast organically via sheer strength of will (and shamless Google-chumming). They've now incorporated acquisition into their strategy. All of your base are belong to them. :wink:

Posted by: Gary at January 19, 2007 08:45 PM (LEKoX)

6 Yay!

Posted by: Tuning Spork at January 21, 2007 04:51 PM (4aKmk)

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It always used to annoy me a little when a favorite blogger of mine would suddenly shut down operations and post some lame, last-minute “so long, and thanks for all the fishes” address to their readership – just out of the blue. It’s kind of like someone you know hopping a plane and leaving a note or email behind without saying a proper goodbye. I don’t begrudge their decision to stop blogging. I just consider it kind of rude to scram without even giving a heads-up. So in the spirit of not wanting to be rude (a first for me), I’m giving you all a few weeks notice.

Effective February 1, 2007, I will cease posting to the Ex-Donkey Blog. No, IÂ’m not kidding.

Why, you might ask? Well, the reasons are many and I’ve had a lot of time to reflect on them. That’s why the title of this post is “The Long Goodbye.” I’ve written it and rewritten it and tweaked it and rewritten it again for some time now, trying to express myself as accurately as possible without being overly sentimental. Also, the goodbye isn’t final for another few weeks.

So, if you care to, sit back, grab your favorite adult beverage of choiceÂ…and read onÂ… more...

Posted by: Gary at 08:00 AM | Comments (13) | Add Comment
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1 Dude!?! You've got the keys to the backdoor of Orgle Manor, right? Post whenever you want. We'll be happy to scoop up some of that Diane Lane traffic. Seriously, post whenever you want. I've certainly found being part of a group blog is more fun.

Posted by: Steve the LLamabutcher at January 10, 2007 10:18 AM (iLKgG)

2 It's always sad when someone with your wit and brains decides to walk away from the keyboard. However, you have your reasons, which you have clearly stated. Please do continue to stop by and leave comments...it keeps the rest of us on our toes. And look me up in the phone book (you know which one) if you'd ever like to chew the fat. Best wishes!

Posted by: Pam at January 10, 2007 10:56 AM (E1H09)

3 Hey, what the other said. I can give you "the keys" too, if you want to stop by and blog about...what ever.

Posted by: GroovyVic at January 10, 2007 11:42 AM (/GsCf)

4 Thanks, Steve. I'll definitely take you up on that. But I promise not to post anything unless it meets one of the following criteria: 1) it's thought-provoking 2) it's salacious or 3) it's amusing enough to elicit the spitting of your morning coffee out your nose. :wink:

Posted by: Gary at January 10, 2007 04:52 PM (QoxB+)

5 Boo Hiss!!!!!! You I'm gonna miss!!! You better stop by and comment occasionally.

Posted by: Jenn at January 10, 2007 05:05 PM (QD9ey)

6 I've only just discovered this blog a few months ago. It's been very enjoyable to read and I'll miss it. Being blessed with 3 beautiful children of my own I completely understand what you're saying. Thanks for giving us such a great blog. maybe sometime later on down the road we'll see you out here again in a different form pumped with different "juice". I wish you and your family all the best. God bless.

Posted by: cerebraldebris at January 10, 2007 11:05 PM (QtEb7)

7 I never understood the whole "I'm departing the Blogosphere" thing myself. Most of the time it's because those bloggers feel compelled to post 3 times a day or they're not a "blogger". Who wrote that unwritten rule? Post something compelling once a week or whenever you get the urge. Don't let me stop you though, if it's more of an annoyance than it is worth drop it.

Posted by: Digger at January 10, 2007 11:51 PM (n5tsd)

8 I know the real reason you're quitting - it's because I started reading your blog. It never fails that if I add a blog to my top 20 check-multiple-times-a-day folder, there's a 60% chance it'll close within a year. I did it. I'm sorry. (You'll be missed! Stop by and comment sometime...)

Posted by: JimK at January 11, 2007 12:31 AM (74rFq)

9 Digger, it's not an annoyance but right now I have other priorities. I don't believe in making some grand declaration and then a few weeks later saying "oh, never mind. I was just kidding. I just needed a few pats on the back." I gave this months and months of thought. I went back and forth many times. In fact, it wasn't until the holidays that I made the final decision. It's not about being a blogger or not being a blogger or any unwritten rules about how much you post. Really, the person I most need to satisfy with my output is me. Yeah, I know that sounds selfish but if I don't get excited about what I'm doing, what's the point? In my mind, this particular venture - this blog - is finishing. That doesn't mean that I'm finished blogging forever.

Posted by: Gary at January 11, 2007 09:27 AM (PLHs9)

10 Oh and Jim. I really enjoy your site but unfortunately it's blocked my the server at my place of employment. :blush: Regretably, a number of my favorite ones are as well. I often wondered when my own would be, so far it hasn't been (knock wood). I'll make it a point to keep in touch with comments on right-thoughts.us from my home PC.

Posted by: Gary at January 11, 2007 09:32 AM (PLHs9)

11 You suck! I respect you for it, but you still suck! If you ever do decide to come back, you will definitely have an immediate reader here... and if you feel an urge to post something... anything... my blog is always open to you.

Posted by: Linoge at January 14, 2007 10:38 PM (zBx9m)

12 Wow, go on vacation for a couple weeks and look what happens. Gotta respect the reasoning though. Thanks for the grins the last few months. Even when you "mailed it in" I was entertained. Oh, and if it makes you feel better, your blog is blocked at my place of employment. Best wishes!

Posted by: Jason at January 17, 2007 12:54 AM (mwq/7)

13 I can't let the Ex-Donkey blog slip away without saying how much I've enjoyed it. Thank you, Gary, for two years of endless - though sometimes mindless and tasteless - entertainment. I've spent many a lunch hour and many a late night reading your latest post, thinking, "man, is he whacked out or what?" Since I know you personally, I can answer that with a "yes." For all of you who have gotten to know (and presumably like) Gary through his blog, you should meet him in person. Because beyond being my favorite blogger (and my favorite brother-in-law), Gary is a wonderful person, a loving father and husband, and a true friend. You'll notice those qualities come through in his posts once in a while. :wink: So, when I'm done scrolling through the archives here, I guess I'll start visiting those Llama guys for a periodic dose of that old Ex-Donkey wit, humor and occasional genius... See ya Scarecrow!

Posted by: Georgia Girl (gfsil) at January 31, 2007 06:21 PM (ZMwFa)

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